Educational facts about ANIME

SPAM goes here, and nowhere else :)

Post Reply
User avatar
Dark_Dominion
Senior Member
Senior Member
Posts: 227
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2006 5:49 pm
Location: Norway

Educational facts about ANIME

Post by Dark_Dominion » Fri Sep 29, 2006 1:27 pm

Project Anime

Anime was invented by Canadians in the laboratories of the Japanese Self-Defense Force in 1952 B.C., just after the end of the American Occupation. Professor Tetsuwan Atomu of Tokyo University, still angry over Japan's loss in World War II, developed a secret plan to erode away the culture of all world nations and replace it with a culture devoted to specially formulated cartoons that were mainly erotic pulp, but more importantly Japanese. By doing this, over a period of 100 years, Japan would eventually command the world by being the only remaining source of television and pornography.

So far the project has been running smoothly.

Anime originally started (and still is) a new religion all over the planet which is expected to supplant the Pope and instate a new ruler of our Pizza World. The ruler's name is Goku, a monkey god who flies over clouds, emits multi-colored lights from his hands, lectures villians for 26 minutes before attacking them, and doesn't take drugs. His bastard son is Naruto, who will populate the world with Naruto-looking people.

Aside from its theological implications, anime is a popular masturbatory aid for Japanese males of all ages, and has now become a worldwide and non-respectable art form. Most popular films usually involve tentacle rape monsters chasing a myriad of impossibly proportioned schoolgirls. These chases invariably involve the schoolgirls tight white cotton panties being ripped off by the monsters. Throw in some philosophy, incest, large eyes, giant robots, dragons, giant robot dragons - and you're guaranteed to have a hit.


After being pirated on some random podunk Japaneese trawler heading to America, the disease known as "Wapanobesity", where white kids that think they are asian and excessively consume Japanese products, quickly spread through out America, often zombifying many kids ever. Kids were delivered subliminal messaging through "popular children's shows" like Pokemon, Digimon, etc. and were told to launch a revolution, where these "anime zealots" would attempt to poorly diss everyone else, get dissed back tenfold, get pissed off and conquer the world. The messaging lost its effect in many children, but in others however, it stuck with them and encouraged them to become increasingly consumeristic and dependant on Japan. Many believe this plan was created by some of the popular distributers of "Japanimation" related products to rapidly increase thier market, in essence a psuedo-imperialist movement by private corporations. The movement hasn't been as sucessful in Europe, but it threatens to take hold in most of Europe and the other areas of the world as well.

Though originally drawn and animated by hand, most modern anime is generated automatically by computer programs with little or no human intervention. Typically, the anime creation process begins with the title, which is generated by a random number algorithm that selects several words that have absolutely nothing to do with each other and make no sense when put together (e.g. Neon Genesis Evangelion, Cowboy Bebop, Full Metal Alchemist, Mobile Suit Gundam, Toaster Fedora Hologram, and, of course, Bleach). A screenwriting program then generates a storyline that has nothing to do with the title or with any of the words in it. Due to a major glitch in the system caused by one of its creators masturbating over his keyboard to the first episode of Inuyasha, however, most of the plots seem to center around a magic "force" or gigantic battle suit obtained early in the series by the main character.

Male anime characters must have the intellectual properties of a foot stool, and females must be very, very, very whiny and irritating to the point of causing dogs to howl and humans to develop brain tumors. Specialized drawing and animation programs add "artwork" to the story, featuring hair colors not found in nature and large, glistening, creepy eyes the size of dinner plates. When a character opens the mouth to speak, there must be enough available capacity to fit a watermelon within and still have room to park a semi. These elements are required by law, as competing artistic styles were outlawed by the Japanese government in 1977.

Lastly, a sophisticated pedophilia program adjusts the depravity level of the production to conform to industry standard requirements for sexual perversity. This should not be confused with child porn, which is exactly the same thing only slightly cheaper. Anime that is exported to Western countries goes through an additional production step, wherein the voices are dubbed by English-speaking actors who undergo a rigorous screening process designed to weed out all but the most horrendously untalented voiceover "artists."

North American dorks now not only seek this masturbatory material via the Internet and specialty "comic book" stores, but also create their own anime-style porn drawings, many of which are just as good as professional anime drawings (i.e., dreadful). The activity has replaced Dungeons & Dragons, Star Trek and furry fandom as the hippest cultural trend for degenerates, social retards and psychopaths.

Pseudo-artists also use it as a short-cut into the art world. Anime allows hack artists to appear "hip" and "edgy" without having any previous drawing experience, whatsoever.

Recently, anime has been challeged by the unending stream of cyber-porn available on the Internet. Horny social outcasts the world over debate which is easier to jack-off to, while the rest of the world doesn't give a shit either way.

Some Examples of Anime

* Inuyasha: An anime, like so many others, where all male characters are metrosexual. The title character whose name is kept secret until halfway through the series is Inuyasha, an entity who is half human, half demon and half dog. His half dog nature is evidenced by his tendency to sniff the ground for clues, identify the weaknesses of his foes by sniffing their genitals and his fear of the words "neuter" and "fix". The female protagonist, Kagome Higurashi, was created by the Teletubbies for the sole purpose of turning all the world's men into eunuchs. Inuyasha is famous for it's repetitive nature. The never ending pattern consists of:
o Find a piece of dog treat
o Have treat taken away by Naraku
o Go in search of treat
o Run into enemy
o Sissy lovey-dubby filler
o Fight Naraku
o Get treat, Naraku escapes
o Lather, Rinse, Repeat...

* Pok?mon: ?Gotta catch em all...? - This cute, endearing, disgusting, piss-poor slogan was mistranslated from the original Japanese slogan, ?You must catch all the innocent and devour their eye ball juice... sweet, succulent eye ball juice.? Pokemon was created by a group of subversive, Japanese Eyeball-Vampires. These vampires believe in the destruction of-free market capitalism and replace it with Vampirism, a new type of economic system where humans sell their labor for free with an auction based resource market -- i.e. slavery -- while the vampires lick their eyeballs. Some of this philosophy finds its way into the cartoon, as can be seen in several episodes. The cartoon is symbolic: the Pok?mon (slaves) represent humans while the humans represent vampire overlords. This should be very explanatory for those wondering why the Pok?mon trainers are constantly scooping out Pok?mon eyeballs and eating them in front of their newly blind and crying victims.

* Sonic X: A documentary recording the attempts of Chris Thorndyke to get Sonic the Hedgehog to have sex with him. It also records the benefits of communism, and how a thriving, fruitful, balanced free market economy can triumph over the evil freedom hating American President.

* Fruits Basket: Also called 'Furuba' (see Random Title Generator). Here we see a good example of title's gone horrendously wrong. These words well discribe this anime as most of the male characters are most likely gay, not including the two or three (no one can tell for sure) cross dressing males. The main character is an orphan girl who is most likely on narcotics, and who lives in a house with two teenage boys, one of which is probably a girl, and a pedophile. The non-stop action is rated R for horrible english voice-overs and rated R-cubed for The main character's short skirts.

A beautiful example that shows that young, unattractive girls can have sex with hoards of attractive young men. The reason? Well, young Tohru Honda bribes them all with the magical fruit of her dead mother. Upon eating this fruit, the Sohma men were totally head over heals in love with her, thus causing a civil war among the family. SPOILER: At the end they all suffer and die from a terrible house fire caused by Tohru Honda herself. This came as a surprise to many of the loyal fans of the show, and eventually the fans returned the favor and burned down the studio that animated the show.

* Yu-Gi-Oh!: ?Lord of the Cards? - This cartoon is actually produced domestically, but still uses the Japanese style of animation. Yu-gi-oh is based on an absurd French variant of Poker, and follows the often magickal, x-rated adventures of Yugi (George Smith), a Satan-worshiper and his gay teenage Mormon friends in a mental hospital in Nevada who break and sneak out into Las Vegas to summon demons and play Strip Poker (which always ends in an drinking contest). Probably based on a report by Hunter S. Thompson on his experiances in Las Vegas.

* Tentacle High: Have you ever wanted to have sex with a girl but couldn't because she wasn't interested? Japanese people do not know what that is like because rape is legal there. Rape is like a handshake in Japan. Its a way of saying hello, multiple times, with all of your friends helping. Tentacle High is about a fictional, but typical, Japanese high school. In Japan the series was a bust because it was too normal. Big-Fucking-Eyes-And-Small-Tits-Probably-Underage-Too, the main character, finds herself in awkward social situations. The tired series always ended these scenarios in the same way: gang rape and more viscous fluids and piston like drilling machines than the oil fields of Iran can claim. The show was a phenomenal hit among perverted Americans.

* Dragonball Z: A series mainly catered to homosexuals and pedophiles. (This should not be confused with child pornography, which is pornography created for children.) The main focus of the series is the love triangle between the main character Goku, his son Gohan, and Goku's lover Vegeta. One scene which was very controversial in America was the so-called "fusion dance" between two prepubescent boys. This was censored from American television, as was the subsequent nude bath scene between these same boys and the main character. The touching climax of the series occured when Gohan was about to "fuse" with his father after dressing up in his mother's earrings, but Vegeta interrupted and confessed his undying love for Goku.

* "Daddy! No!!"

~ Gohan

* Excel Saga: As it's full title 'Experimental Anime Excel Saga' implies, this show was a means of testing Anime as a carrier method for various spreadsheet-based experimental weapons. One experiment used subliminal messaging to brainwash viewers into eating their pets and communicating through micro$oft $oftware. The show is widely regarded as being the source of the Mary Sue/Gary Stu phenomenon as seen in fanfiction, and as such is alternately cursed and beloved by various factions within the fan-writing Otaku communities.

?My greatest achievement - HAIL ILPALAZZO!?

~ Oscar Wilde on Excel Saga

* Blue Submarine: Once voted the worst anime of all time, this series was based around the true and, ironically, interesting story of the actual Blue Submarine, the largest transportation device in the world. The anime got some facts wrong, or made up parts altogether. It involved unecessary sodomy involving tentacles and hardcore sex scenes involving sea nymphs.

* Rurouni Kenshin: An saga about a happy pink Samurai called Buttonsai. In the anime, you see a lot of murderous bastards splitting tons of blood, and Battonsai's homossexual urge to not-to-kill, and "befriend" them. The show turn more bizarre when you're presented to Aoshi and his love for the underaged girl Misao. Then we see the mumy Shishio and his guro practices towards his own wife, wich is, of course, a prostitute.

* One Piece: A show that proved, once and for all, the amazing effects of piracy on the world economy. It starred a young, Micheal Jackson-esque, monkey that traveled the world to find the One Piece Thong, which was made of Gold Rogers or some such shit. The most powerful creature in the world, Oscar Wilde, starred on this show; he has long since disowned it.

?Fucking One Piece. I did the voice of Chopper for 57 years, and they never once gave me an Oscar! They're named after ME, for Christ's sake!!!?

~ Oscar Wilde on One Piece

* Azumanga Daioh: In this manga you see the story about a group of teenage lesbians schoolgirls. Each episode is a useless day in their lives, as they only do tedious useless dumb things.

* Ichigo Mashimaro: A spinoff of Azumanga Daioh, features even younger lesbian schoolgirls. Literally translated as Strawberry Marshmallow, which is probably how they taste when they get on each other.

* Narutard: A group of feral children who like to play ninja end up killing each other with sharp objects.

* Gravitation: Whiny retard pink haired emo hermaphrodite transvestite Shirley Shitdo meets even more emo writer and decides to become MySpacesexual for no reason. Pure hilarity ensues as Shuichi tries getting his band Dashboard Confessional to the top of the charts while having fights with NAMBLA, the Christopher Reid society and the government of Samoa and wanting to be sharped by the other emo guy.

Also has the worst ending for anything ever, except the movie Signs and the death of Mecha Streisand.

* Mobile Suit Gundam: Some guy with superb reaction time in a robot fights some other guy wearing a mask in a robot for about 15,352,323 episodes. This is also the plot for any anime with the word "Gundam" in it (except for G Gundam, which is about a finger that burns, apparently).

* Smurfs: Unbeknownst to Americans, Smurfs was originally an anime designed by Kunihiko Ikuhara. In the Japanese version, Smurfette killed all the Smurfs, cloned herself and had smurf with herself for 99 episodes, and then killed herself. It was changed in the American version to underground communism propaganda.

* Cowboy Bebop: This anime takes place in space, a very bold move as nothing like this had ever been done before in the anime genre. The main character Spike, suffers from Insomnia, and he is a terribly addicted to heroine. That's why he's always so calm about everything. And his life partner, Jet, tries to get him to stop doing drugs but he just can't because the cowboys are always after them, trying to rape them. A few episodes into the series, they come across the wandering space strumpet, Faye Something, whose large breasts constantly cause her to fall flat on her face. She seems to be wearing suspenders which support her crotchal region, most likely causing serious camel toe. The last members of the group are Edward and Ein the dog. They found Edward, who was sadly diagnosed with Autism, running around controlling random spaceships via remote control. S/he is also a transexual, and a genius with machines. Ein was found in a briefcase after being abused by its former master, Albus Dumbledore, and dumped into the river. Some guy tried to sell Ein to a fat lady who looked very strange but she was a lesbian so she wouldn't buy the dog naturally. Together, spike, jet, faye, edward, and ein set off into the galaxy to collect the bounty on prostitutes and fat french men who wore tuxedos and could fly and blow things up. Unfortunately, they were all killed in the last episode from carbon monoxide poisoning.

?Cowboy Bebop...those were the days. Rape was legal, prostitutes roamed free, and queefing was encouraged.?

~ Oscar Wilde on Cowboy Bebop

* Neon Genesis Evangelion: Is the biggest brain fuck you will ever experience. Just try and watch End of Evangelion and understand it. It is rumored that even the creator does not understand it, the only person known to have fully understood that movie (some guy called DF)blown his head off as soon as he ended watching it. It is also rumored that he was smoking something very good when he thought of this (or drank some crazy fluids). It was the first Gainax test at making animes with overdosed people, and was a base for FLCL.

* FLSD: (pronounced: "fuli-culi") Shinji Watanabe (aka "Nabeshin") wondered how much crack he could possibly smoke and still make an anime. This show was the result.

* Steel Angel Kurumi: This is the worst thing ever created by a human being. Looking at it will instantly turn the viewer's eyeballs into boiling tar, while Satan himself assrapes said viewer's mother, father, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles and dog(s). Thus, we only know about this series through secondhand accounts. Victims report that the show is about a young boy in post-WWI/pre-WWII Japan, named Nakahito Kagura. He activates a large-breasted magical battle-android named Kurumi (by kissing her), and together they have many adventures, including: fondling Kurumi's breasts; fondling Nakahito's prepubescent boy-bits; bathing together; fighing crappy, generic enemies in piss-poor action sequences; developing the characters' personalities (mainly through the use of panty-shots); and gang-raping Nakahito after turning him into a girl (with the help of Nakahito's older brother). Nakahito is also molested by his best friend, a Russian nancy-boy named Mikhail. The show also focuses on Kurumi's "sisters", Saki and Karinka. Saki has an incestuous crush on her "big sister" Kurumi. Karinka is Russian for some reason. No one knows why. There is more content in the show than listed here, but its nature is unknown, since no one has ever lived past the third volume.

* Berserk: (Pronounce: Baelzacka) Have you ever wondered what would happen if a dude with a big assed sword would do if nothing else was on TV and he was like, bored? This anime has the answer: He would flip out and start killing everone like he doesn?t care. It also contains sex scenes with a girl called Caska that digs big swords. And a fag called Griffith. Berserk is the best anime ever because it shows sex and scenes of people losing their heads for no particular reason.

* K.O Beast: Some mermaid gets gets raped by a tiger/man, some bird guy joins in and BANG perfect and semi-beastial hentai.

* Totally Spies: It's, like, totally about spies and some junk! It's also totally French, although France denies this claim.

* Najica Blitz Tactics: OMG PANTIES!!! 0_o

* Koi Kaze: Lost lost siblings, check. Bra sniffing, check. Furiously masturbating, check. Popping your little sister's cherry and then calling home to let your dad know she's gonna be spending the night with you alone in your apartment, check.

* Chobits: What the hell kind of person builds a robot that resembles a highschool girl and then hides the power button in her pussy? Seriously? Oh right, this is Japan, I forgot.

* Paranoia Agent: Features a girl who no one'll go out with so she creates a 12 year old physcopath from her mind and he goes around beating people with a cheap $12 golden bat bought at Target. Features Lil' Sluggers and Shounens with Bats.

* Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi: A documentry about Osakans. Teaches us that all Osakans have texan accents, can travel to alternate worlds with the help of little goblins, and live in french restaurants and bath houses.

* Monster: A boy is rushed to a hospital after a terrible masturbation accident and has his life (and sperm) saved by surgeon Kengo Tenksma who then decides to make his own version of Frankenstein so he decides to create a Monster by shooting the boy in the head and raping him with a Hello Kitty vibrator. But when the boy becomes a psychotic killer. Tenksma must destroy his creation.

* BLEACH: A wonderful, philosophical series that lets the reader delve into the world of Detergent Gods, supreme entities with mind-blowing techniques for the proper washing and drying of different kinds of clothing. Unsuspecting high school teenager that, like all Japanese high school teenagers, can withstand gigantic punches, fall from great distances and take on twenty thugs at the same time without a problem, Ichigo Kleenesaki, is introduced to the world of the Detergent Gods by thrusting a phallic object through his sphincter. This gives him great laundry power and a fabulous robe. Throughout his travels, he will meet many other companions with laundry powers, such as a prostitute with multicolored fashion faeries at her service and a young man who hates Detergent Gods because, many years ago, they tragically failed to wash a spot of sake off his grandfather?s favorite blouse, and the old man didn?t survive.

* The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya: What do you get when a seemingly normal girl, (normal in terms of a crack smoker), a guy, a humanoid computer, a time-traveling human, and a creepy "esper" are all put into the same room with no means of escape? This shiat. If the word "retarted" had offspring, Haruhi would be its name. Mostly about a girl who claims she is God and spends the majority of her time screwing over her friends for her own bizarre fantasies. Full of that "philisophical" crap you've all been dreading, this one's not for the weak-hearted. Suggestions: Run and don't look back. No, you dunce. I told you not to look behind you! JUST RUN!

* Higurashi no Naku Koro ni: The newest murder mystery anime. Combine four really cute girls with a boy accused of being criminally insane and you get Higurashi. It's about girls who are posessed by Oyashiro, the almighty god of awesomeness and everything tight. The Green Haired Girl and her friends The Blue Haired Girl, The Cute Brown Haired Girl, and The Blonde Haired Girl make their friend The Dark Haired Crazy Boy do a lot of stupid stuff while still finding time to murder people during the Watt on a Yoshi festival. Beware: Oyashiro Rena is behind you, in front of you, and yet is not there. In fact she IS behind you. Better start running.

"That Rena, what a cutie!"

~ Keiichi on Rena

"She's mine, you son of a bitch, Keiichi."

~ Me on Rena

* Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan: Dokuro-chan is an angel that came from the future because she was sick of boring angel life and decided to come to our world to club to death little sakura which is a pedophile boy who will someday find the seacret of mimmortality by making every girl stop aging at 12 years old and make a compleate pedophile world.

Sakura-kun dies 9472657265 times during the 0.73 seconds of the second episode. dokuro-chan who can't realy blend in at school bloodily kills anyone who tries to formaly greet her with a rape, i don't quite get her confusion Among the cast is, a monkey that was original dokuro-chan's class's class representive but dokuro-chan thought he was too ugly therefore making him much cuter as a monkey, there is also a dog that likes too hump dokuro-chan's sister's back. Dokuro-chan's sister zakuro-chan also comes from the future with her murderus towel to kill everyone that don't like her sister. zakuro-chan is actualy 9 years old but look much more mature than her sister, she is also still afraid of bathing alone.

* Lord Demon Dante (a.k.a Devilman): anime that shows demons as nice guys, humans as dumb monkeys and God as a fucking bastard. This anime proves once for all that animes are evil works from hell.

Genres

Animu is a genre of pornography which is viewed by many Ethiopians in Ethiopia, but is not popular among non-Ethiopians in Ethiopia. Anime was first introduced into the mainstream in 1982 with the widely popular animu flick Vampire Hunter STD. When Vampire Hunter STD was imported from Etheopia to American shores and dubbed to the native language it took off and was accepted by many across the globe. There are many popular anime flicks enjoyed by viewers across the globe such as Dragon's Balls, Dragon's Balls Z and GT, Ramna 6/9, Gundam Wing Size DD, NinjaCam and so on.

Why Anime Dudes and Chicks Look Alike

Many morons in today's society have trouble telling anime men from anime women. Most of the time, they look dead alike each other, so much that you can't tell the characters apart.

Several theories to this are that:

* The Japanese are Communist, and seek the equality of all people.
* The Japanese supports the ACLU in helping to build a Godly America.
* There is no such thing as men and women in Japan.
* The Japanese are trying to turn people gay in a bid for global domination.
* The Japanese figured out that you could save money during the manufacturing process if you made all people look unisex (this also explains why most Asians have black hair; another other colors are more expensive custom models).
* The men are so fat, that they grew boosoms, and then got lipo suction to keep their feminisque figure.
* The Japanese just don't care.
* Radiation from the A-bomb melted their Y chromosomes.
* The animators are very lonely and need something to look at.

Take note that, these are all sexy.
You are all figments of my imagination!
When Jesus died it took him 3 days to respawn due to lag."
"In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded."
Image
Image

User avatar
Belladonna
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 260
Joined: Mon Aug 16, 2004 8:12 pm
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA!!

Post by Belladonna » Fri Sep 29, 2006 5:31 pm

All Hail Emperor Goku!

sonic goo
Senior Member
Senior Member
Posts: 258
Joined: Sun Oct 02, 2005 9:36 pm

Post by sonic goo » Fri Sep 29, 2006 10:02 pm

Now THAT's entertainment! :lol:

(That Toaster Fedora Hologram is very hard to find, btw ;) )

(And it's HAIL IL PALAZZO!!!)
Image

Post Reply
jedwabna poszewka 50x60